


I Could Learn How To Love

by asllapiscu



Category: Kamen Rider Build
Genre: (take my kazugen agenda. take it.), F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Reflection, general spoilers bc each moment is from a diff point in the series so be warned, like waaaaay across the board welcome to everyone in Nascita gets a moment of Wow I'm Gay Huh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-10 02:05:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15281196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asllapiscu/pseuds/asllapiscu
Summary: Everyone has a small moment to themselves, when they realize that something changed along the way in their journey. It just hits everyone differently and at different times.After all, they could all do about anything.





	I Could Learn How To Love

**Author's Note:**

> i just wanna say three things  
> 1\. i blame lor for making the connection of Love Like You being a ryusen song  
> 2\. it's my own fault, however, that I listened to the instrumental version, on loop, for two days straight, thus prompting me to write this  
> 3\. i'm trying out a more stylized approach on this one for fun, why not (it's not permanent tbh, but it was fun to do nonetheless)
> 
> anyway, here this is

_**If I could begin to be...** _

_**Half of what you think of me...** _

 

 

_… When I see the way you act_

_… Wondering when I’m coming back_

 

Ryuga is standing under a large tree, out by a park. The leaves are all but gone, the season having taken them all away. He places a hand on the tree, feeling the bark as he closes his eyes. He can almost see the cherry blossoms, feel the warm spring air, and hear the birds sing. It all feels so distant but so near. He removes his hand from the tree and ends up leaning against it instead, looking up towards the sky.

The weight of the world begins to sink back into him, remembering where he is now. He had told everyone he’s taking a walk to clear his head; but really, he needed to clear his conscious. Everyone’s already as stressed as possible from the war and the fighting. He wishes his could end this war alone, and quickly, so everything could go back to normal - including _him_.

Ryuga has been watching Sento closely since the war started. Maybe some could call it worry, but he only wanted to be sure that Sento wasn’t pushing himself and carrying too much on his own shoulders. Ryuga grips his shirt from his chest, feeling some frustration came up just from the thought of Sento losing himself to this war. It’s the last thing Ryuga wants.

He doesn’t know when it started, but he’d catch himself staring at Sento from across the cafe as he sat and talked with Sawa and Misora about anything. Ryuga would sit near him as he worked on research and inventions for their upcoming battles. Hell, they’d even stay up some nights together, blaming lack of sleep, and just talk about mindless nonsense until one of them finally fell asleep. It’s all so _comfortable._ He wants to keep this, Ryuga really wants to keep this forever.

So he feels guilt from having to relay on a weapon that brings Sento stress. He knows he becomes more aggressive and loses sight of the goal in the heat of battle, but he doesn't know what else to do to help Sento. The only thing Ryuga has ever been good at is fighting, and if that's the only way he can help, what else can they expect?

Ryuga still thinks about how Sento went out of his way to try to use this weapon in his place, or how he admitted that _of course he'd care_ if Ryuga dies. His heart feels tight and frustration settles into him once more. He doesn't like the worried look on Sento’s face when he transforms into Charge, or how desperate he sounds when he asks Ryuga to cancel his transformation. The way Sento acts and the expression he wears after each battle, it nearly crushes Ryuga’s heart. He doesn’t want to hurt him, but rather, he wants to _protect_ him. He wants to protect Sento and his ideals, the man who gave him everything when all he had to offer was nothing. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he could almost cry just from how much Sento has changed his life.

So he’ll do anything to bring back that smile, even if it means losing himself a little.

  


 

_… I always thought I might be bad_

_… Now I’m sure that it’s true_

 

Kazumi has to really consider the potential of him being selfish - or at least being prone to bouts of overreaction. But what can he say? What can he do? He joined Touto’s side to fight for love and peace - because of Sento’s _ideals._ However, the last battle had shaken him up too much, and Kazumi doesn’t want to be at the wrong end of it. He’s protecting himself, that’s what he has to believe. That it might be better if he distances himself from the group for now and watch his own back. Just keep to himself and wait until Sento’s senses return.

How else are they going to stop Evolt anyway?

Kazumi sighs as he and Gentoku walk off to god knows where. His direction is aimless, only needing to get away for awhile. Oddly, Gentoku had decided on following him - he explained that he can’t trust Sento at the moment, either. Then maybe he wasn’t so selfish after all, if Gentoku agrees with him. It’s been happening a lot more lately, and Kazumi has come to find that he doesn’t mind Gentoku’s company; so long as he’s dressed normally, anyway.

Ah, he didn’t expect this sort of outcome. When he signed up for this war, he just thought of one side that would win and one that would lose. _Obviously_ Hokuto was supposed to win, but nothing ever pans out how one thinks it would. Now the fight has evolved into something bigger than him, bigger than the country - bigger than them _all._ Truth be told, he could almost panic every time he has to think about it. Training with Ryuga, watching Miitan videos, or talking to Sawa don’t seem like good enough distractions anymore for the underlying doom that is Evolt.The threat is just too haunting, eating him alive almost -

He feels a hand on his shoulder suddenly. He looks towards Gentoku, realizing he’s been reacting outwardly again in response to his thoughts. The touch is comforting, even if unexpected. Gentoku’s looking away now, a somber expression on his face as he appears deep in thought. He’s looking towards the sky and Kazumi can’t help but look with him.

The vast paleness of blue brings a sort of trembling feeling onto Kazumi and he can’t seem to figure out why. He slowly walks forwards a little, reaching with only a hand out. He can hardly sense it, but the feeling is _there._ High above in the limitless sky, Kazumi can’t reach but _feel_ an almost calming presence pulling him forward. He’s only brought out of this trance when he sees Gentoku follow his actions, each of their hands outstretched and reaching. The wind picks up for a moment, and that gentle push is enough for him to realize _what_ he’s reaching for.

Hope. All they can reach for is hope. Maybe Gentoku understands too, Kazumi seeing the depth of emotion etched onto his features. Each hope might be different, but it’s the collective faith _in_ hope that keeps them all going. So maybe he can understand a little why Sento would try to defend his father; but Kazumi can only hope that he will come around to see the truth behind the mask. Maybe he can understand why, despite everyone else staying behind, Gentoku chose to follow Kazumi out, too. His chest begins to feel heavy and he decides to push the thought away, for now. Understanding the fashion disaster takes a step at a time. This moment they’re currently sharing is fine enough.

He just hopes that Gentoku will let his words do the talking rather than his wardrobe, when they discuss their next move.

  


 

_… I think you’re so good_

_… And I’m nothing like you_

 

All Sawa ever wanted was a family, to protect those she cares about, and to see them all smile and laugh and spend time together. Despite her past, she feels like she deserves that much. After all, doesn’t everyone?

But some nights are harder than most. She’ll hear Nanba’s laugh in the back of her mind or she’ll have nightmares of him coming back to take away her new family. No matter how often she tries to escape it, she still feels trapped and ruined; forever haunted by a memory.

It’s only when she’s with Misora she notices a difference. How she can breathe again, or how she feels more and more like herself every day. Misora has managed to unlock parts of Sawa she never knew existed, or desires she never considered before. The more time Sawa would spend with Misora, the more she'd come to watch her and how hard Misora would put on a smile, regardless of the situation, just so everyone would smile too. Misora does this to even Sawa, and it makes her heart tremble. It makes her feel undeserving, to be able to feel such love and belonging, despite everything she's done.

_Don't you hate me? Aren't you mad at me?_

_Of course I'm mad. But I could never hate you. I love you Sawa. Please don't ever do this again._

Misora, Sawa’s come to realize, might be the actual definition of kindness and all things good. She shines so brightly, and Sawa finds herself so incredibly drawn by it. She can't pull or look away, even if she wanted to. Misora is just too wonderful.

She can never be like her. She realized this soon enough. But that's okay, isn't it? Misora sees something in Sawa, enough to still love having her around and to keep her close. Misora loves Sawa _as she is._ Shouldn't that be enough?

But for Sawa, it isn't. She wants something more. She wants to do right by Misora, and be the best she can be for her. She may never be as kind hearted or as radiant - but she'll love and protect Misora in her own way. She'll take everything she's learned from her life, from every event and emotion, and grow from it.

She might not be good, but she refuses to be nothing. For Misora, she'll be _anything._

  


 

_… Look at you go_

_… I just adore you_

 

Misora watches Sawa type meticulously while behind the counter of the cafe. She’s cooking them breakfast for the day, the boys already all out as the Touto government had announced another attack in the city. She tries not to let it get to her, that she and Sawa have to stay behind and wait who knows how long until they return home, safely. It always strikes fear into her heart, the thought of any one of them never coming back because something went wrong. War is a dangerous word, she knew that since she was young, but she had never anticipated on witnessing one in her life. Maybe it was naive of her, to consider something like that, but she truly wishes everything would go back to normal.

But she also doesn’t know what normal is anymore. Right now, “normal” for her is watching the boys leave, and staying behind with Sawa. Sawa. Misora manages to get out of her own thoughts and look back towards Sawa, who’s still working on her laptop. For a moment, Misora feels peace, cooking them breakfast and seeing Sawa work. If this could stay as a constant after the war… Misora would prefer it that way, actually. Their normal is stressful and worrisome, but maybe they can change it to become something more domestic, more peaceful. The war has to end one day, and the boys will have to stop leaving the cafe for another battle, and maybe join her and Sawa for breakfast. Maybe they could eat like a _family._

Misora stops cooking for a moment, having to hold back tears and swallowing her heavy heart. She doesn’t want to worry Sawa or appear distressed. She has to focus on the positive, on the possibility, that one day this normal she dreams of can be achieved. She has to keep a smile on for everyone, cheering them on, and _hoping._ She has faith that hope is what will keep them going.

So she’ll carry that hope with her now, returning to her cooking as she hears Sawa stop typing. She turns to face her, and sees her deep in thought. Sawa’s holding her chin with her slender fingers, her glasses are reflecting the screen’s dim lighting, and a piece of her hair is falling a little forward from her face. Misora’s always thought that Sawa’s beautiful, impressingly so. Just like with the boys, Misora wants Sawa to have a bright and positive future too. Deep down, Misora wants to be the one to offer that possibility to her.

Misora didn’t come to realize she felt this way until more recently, after the Seito proxy battle. The small moment where she thought Sawa had really betrayed them again, she realized her heart was broken and she felt a pain she’d never experience before. Originally she pinned the stress from Sento’s battle _combined_ with Sawa’s betrayal. Yet, after Sento had won, and she came down from that excitement, when she looked towards Sawa, who smiled apologetically and her eyes shined with nothing but remorse and sorrow, Misora had figured it out. She felt a rush of energy and a flutter in her chest that she can only attribute to one thing.

So when she watches Sawa now, working diligently and intensely focused, as she continues cooking them both breakfast, her worries from before slowly slip away. She begins to feel more at ease and the heaviness from before disappears. Sawa brings a gentle comfort into Misora’s life. She’s proven that she’s here to stay, that she doesn’t want to leave any of their sides, and Misora wants to keep it that way.

She wants to create that constant and keep it; she doesn’t want anyone leaving her, especially not Sawa.

  


 

_… I wish that I knew_

_… What makes you think I’m so special_

 

Gentoku doesn’t fully grasp the others’ need of seeking him out and asking for his help. His sins are too high to count, and he can’t think of any way to properly cleanse himself of them. Yet they return, again and again, asking for his help. Especially one man in particular, who he didn’t think he’d end up trusting now wholeheartedly.

Gentoku found himself admiring Kazumi occasionally. Occasionally being used loosely, if he has to be honest, only because Kazumi can have a strange side. Like when he yells out his inner thoughts about Misora, or judges Gentoku over his collection of conveniently worded t-shirts. Yet they’re… oddly endearing sides to him. Gentoku has noticed that the rest of the group were at least able to tolerate his behaviors, and he considers this a reason for him becoming used to it so quickly as well. Kazumi is just Kazumi, he really doesn’t mean any harm.

In fact, if anything, the reason why Gentoku might catch himself admiring the _potato farmer_ could be because Kazumi’s more helpful than harmful. He notices when Kazumi is making sure that Sawa is doing all right and getting enough sleep; or how Kazumi assures there’s enough protein and ramen for Banjou; or that Sento’s lab stays clean and organized so the brilliant physicist doesn’t stay trapped under a pile of his own papers. And so on. And so on. _And so on_. Gentoku notices all the little things Kazumi does for everyone at Nascita, and he finds himself feeling almost self conscious over it.

He found it odd, at first. He had to recall one of their first interactions; the fight they had before the grave of Kazumi’s late comrades. He said, with all the emotion and pride he could muster, that when he fights, it’s for his people - for his _home._ Gentoku knows that Kazumi views his employees and his comrades as family, so does he do the same with Nascita then? Does he feel a need to nitpick, nag, and worry _subtly_ as a way to show his gratitude and affection?

Then what does that make of Gentoku being here? Sento and Banjou had each sought Gentoku out for help - but Kazumi was usually the closer for the arguments. As if he’s telling Gentoku, “not yet, you’re not done yet.” What is it that Kazumi could possibly see inside Gentoku that makes him think he’s worthy to keep around? He knows Sento and the others see value in Gentoku too, as they also let him stay at Nascita with them. But why did it feel like he and Kazumi were… different? He could almost say… but he’s still too uncertain to even admit it out loud, let alone consider it. Instead, he pushes the thought away with what Kazumi had once said when at the abandoned lab, about Touto and his father.

_Hey Beardo, you know your father isn’t the only one who can rebuild Touto, right?_

How could anyone hold faith in him?

Maybe that’s why Gentoku finds himself watching Kazumi and his behaviors. Is he trying to understand why Kazumi holds this faith? Is this out of pure admiration? Could it even be something more?

… _Could_ it?

Gentoku frowns at the thought and releases a sigh. He’s worrying too much on something trivial. He should be putting this energy instead into helping the others, proving to them of his worth. He’ll have to push away any lingering thoughts of the potato farmer for now. Maybe he’ll think more about it later, with a clearer mind -

And a new t-shirt.

  


 

_… When I see the way you look_

_… Shaken by how long it took_

 

It’s that stare that kills him the most. The look of bewilderment and genuine relief that completely takes over Ryuga’s features which entirely melts Sento’s heart away. Ryuga is hesitant, afraid to approach and initiate any contact, almost as if he’s worried Sento will leave again. It makes him feel guilty, wishing only to wipe away the growing frown on Ryuga’s face and replace it with something warmer, something _softer_.

Sento takes the first step then. Yet the one step seems to be enough, as when Sento moves, Ryuga begins to as well and meets him halfway. Sento immediately embraces Ryuga once he’s within distance, soaking in his presence. It’s enough, it’s just enough to ground Sento and have him realize he’s back in reality, none of this being any part of a dream. He feels Ryuga tremble in his arms, but he doesn’t fault him or make a comment - he’ll save the teasing for another day. If he were in Ryuga’s position, he’d definitely tremble too.

When they pull apart, Sento can’t help but hold Ryuga’s face in his hands and admire him. He knows Ryuga might need this gesture, to fully gauge Sento’s return - but Sento needs this too. He was trapped within his own mind, shut off completely from the world, unable to see anything that was happening. He knows the risk he took, and was fully prepared to take full consequence of his actions. But staring at Ryuga, holding his face and feeling him and really _seeing_ him again, Sento realizes he may have made a mistake. He should have listened to Misora, should have deeply considered the weight of her words and the meaning behind them. Because Sento seeing Ryuga so absolutely _shaken_ by his presence leaves him feeling guilty and an intense amount of regret. It was careless, to throw his life away for Ryuga, when he remembers what Ryuga has already been through. To almost have him go through that again…

Sento would do anything for Ryuga. He’d put his life back on the line once more if it meant saving Ryuga again. He’d do it over and over, because he loves him that much. But in that same respect, seeing him as he is now, remembering and letting Misora’s words sink in… He’d live for Ryuga, too. He has to ensure that by the end of this war, they’re both alive, both well, and _together._ He doesn’t want to cause this reaction out of Ryuga ever again.

He caresses Ryuga’s face a bit before leaning in. He can’t do much else to apologize, he realizes this. The most he can offer to Ryuga is his own life and this kiss. Ryuga eagerly accepts the kiss, wrapping his arms tightly around Sento and he knows it’s because Ryuga might still be a little afraid of losing him. But he deepens the kiss, as if to tell him he’s not going anywhere, never again.

He’ll never leave Ryuga again.

 

 

_**I could do about anything...** _

_**I could even learn how to love...** _

_**Like you...** _

**Author's Note:**

> man. i'm gay. thanks for reading


End file.
